So much has happened since I last posted. First, I've been praying and praying about where God want us to be in the whole process. I've been reading... Scripture, articles, blogs, you name it. I guess I thought by reading all this that I would just feel some sense of relief or direction to it all.
It's funny how things work out though. In my profession, I see a whole lot of goodness and healing. But I also see more terrible, unspeakable things than I will usually never admit to other people. The "How do you do it?!" question comes up often for peds nurses, and even more often for peds ER nurses. My typical response (which I must say too often because Shawn recited it word for word the other day) is, "Well, more kiddos get better than get worse." I usually follow it by stating that you have to keep your mind and heart on that fact and try to hold onto the good things. And that is all completely true!
But for are many reasons, mostly HIPPA laws and the fact that even if I could tell you what I see, I'm positive you wouldn't actually want to hear about those terrible things, I don't even let myself think about the negatives. So saying my typical response essentially covers all you need to know and all that my heart could even let out without being broken on a weekly basis.
However, if I let myself think of those things... the baby with bruises and broken bones that is too young to even roll over, or the 3 year old who just disclosed that somebody hurt her... all I want to do is cuddle them. I want to make them stop crying and give them at least a semblance of a normal life. I want to show them that this is not their fault... that this is the fault of so many people, society, the hardships, the mental illness, bad decisions, stupidity, hate, and evil of everyone around them
but themselves. We have no words, no explanation to give them that would, should satisfy or justify why they are in this situation. But I know I have one thing, love. Cheesy, yes. The truth, oh heck yeah.
So, with all that being said, and a discussion (albeit short, as we tend to agree on most of these things) with Shawn, we have decided that becoming foster parents is something that we feel called to do right now.
We have been enrolled in the informational meeting this coming Monday evening!
After speaking with a fellow nurse who fosters and our manager who is newly certified, many of my fears have been placed at ease. My biggest concern was and is about child care during those hours that I leave for work and Shawn returns home from it. I am less nervous now that I know a few of the rules but still would list it as a concern just because it will be something to get used to.
At the worst, we get our first kiddo. Love on them so very much. Then we have to watch them leave back into the world, with so many unknowns. And we hate it. We hate every minute of watching them leave and no longer feel like we can do this. But we know that we have bettered that kids life, even if for only a short time.
At the best, we get our first kiddo. Love on them so very much. Then we have to watch them leave back into the world, with so many unknowns. And we love it. We love every minute, every second of it. We accept the fact that we are heartbroken as we watch them leave. But we love the entire experience.
I think that's a win-win, on so many levels.
- We are going through MO Baptist Children's Home foster care services. They seem like such a great placement for us so I think that is where He truly wants us to be.
